She's the Other Half of Me
by Maegmel
Summary: Harm is having a miserable time coming to terms with Mac's upcoming wedding.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: JAG & it's characters aren't mine-or one certain Aussie would have been buried a long time ago.. Nor is the song "I'm not strong Enough to say No" it's by some Lange guy (I think)..  
  
Chapter 1  
  
I trudge into JAG headquarters blind and deaf to my co-workers cheerful salutations. I'm barely on time as usual. I slam my office door behind me wondering how in the world I got myself into this mess in the first place. I know very well how and why, but I don't like to think about it. It's the biggest most embarrassing mistake I've ever made. I'm forced to think about it now, because it's happening in two days.  
  
Yeah, Mac's wedding, not to me, o no, if that were happening I'd be jumping for joy, no just the opposite. Mac's marrying I guy I DETEST in two days, because of my mistake. That infamous night in Australia. I cringe at the thought of it.  
  
I slump down in my chair wishing the earth would open up and swallow me. I rub my face in my hands, I'm extremely tired, no exhausted is a better term. Why am I exhausted? I've been having dreams, nightmares, whatever you want to call them. Yeah, a Naval Commander can and does have nightmares. Mine focus on a certain Marine and her upcoming wedding. Ever since she took his ring I've been having them. Nothing makes them go away, and I have no intention of seeing a doctor or shrink, they can't help me. It's too late to regain the other half of my soul.. I've lost her, I've lost her. 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
  
I look up from my work a few hours later to see Mac returning from an errand, probably copying something. I dash over to my door and open it. She looks at me surprised at my unusual behavior. I don't care what the hell the bullpen is thinking right now. I grab her arm and pull her into my office shutting the door behind her. She's waiting for me to explain myself, and suddenly I don't even know what to say.  
  
"Mac, are you happy? Honestly, truly positively happy?" I ask desperately.  
  
There is a fleeting, yet deep emotion that flies across her features just before she puts up her guard. I cannot place it, I can read any woman except the one I love. She answers slowly and cautiously, "Why wouldn't I be happy Harm? I'm getting married in less then forty-eight hours. Do you have a reason why I shouldn't be?" Her words cut me worse than if she had physically stabbed me in the back.  
  
"N-Nothing," I stammer out, "just wondering. I've got to get back to work. Goodbye."  
  
"Harm-" she started.  
  
"Just please go Mac."  
  
"You'd let me know if you need help?"  
  
"Yes." I reply, knowing perfectly well I won't. She leaves with a puzzled backward glance. She knows me well enough to know I'm lying. But she gave up the right to be concerned the day she accepted his ring. She knows it, and so do I, all to well. The door closes, and I resist the almost overpowering urge to tear out after her. Instead I turn on the radio.. 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
  
A few minutes into my work I recognize the familiar strains of I song I know enter the room.  
  
The sign says "Do not touch" -you're out of bounds  
  
Your forbidden fruit, don't come around  
  
It says don't make plans 'cause in your hand  
  
Is a promise made to another man  
  
Isn't that just like somebody you know...  
  
'Cause when you're around my defenses go down  
  
Feelings get stronger, looks get longer  
  
The closer you come, the weaker I get  
  
If it ain't happened now, just ain't happened yet  
  
So please, please, please go  
  
I'm not strong enough to say no  
  
Please, please don't stay  
  
I'm not man enough to walk away  
  
Please, please pass by  
  
I can't resist you even though I try  
  
So please go, I'm not strong enough to say no  
  
This song is so true. I set down my pen, and remember all the times she and I spent together. When I think of my future, she's always there by my side. When I hear the word "wife" I think of her. When I dream of my children they always look like a mixture of her and me.  
  
The sign says "Slow down - Slippery ice"  
  
You've got dangerous curves, don't think twice  
  
It says, "Not For Sale," you're spoken for  
  
Just take your heart and walk out the door  
  
'Cause when you're around my defenses go down  
  
Feelings get stronger, looks get longer  
  
The closer you come, the weaker I get  
  
If it ain't happened now, just ain't happened yet   
  
So please, please, please go  
  
I'm not strong enough to say no  
  
Please, please don't stay  
  
I'm not man enough to walk away  
  
Please, please pass by  
  
I can't resist you even though I try  
  
So please go, I'm not strong enough to say no  
  
This song explains so eloquently what I just can't put into words. Yeah, that about sums it up, my life story.  
  
Don't say I didn't warn you, don't say you didn't know  
  
Don't wait till it's too late and then try to go  
  
The closer you come, the weaker I get  
  
If it ain't happened now, just ain't happened yet   
  
I'm beggin' you baby please, please, please go  
  
I'm not strong enough to say no  
  
Please, please don't stay  
  
I'm not man enough to walk away  
  
Please, please pass by  
  
I can't resist you even though I try  
  
So please go, I'm not strong enough to say no  
  
The song fades away. Yet as I go back to my work it plays over and over in my head. I can't stop it anymore than I can stop loving my partner and best friend.  
  
There's a knock at my door, "Come in." I grumble still thinking about my encounter with Mac this morning and suddenly the song starts all over again. I don't even need to look up, I already know who it is.. 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
  
"Hey Harm-I was wondering if we could go out to lunch together.." Mac trails off when she sees my expression. I want more than anything in the world to go out to lunch with her, and beg her not to marry Brumby, but that wouldn't be right. Instead I say,  
  
"Sorry Mac, as I'm sure you can see, I'm rather bogged down in work."  
  
"You look like you need a break. Come on, we won't be long."  
  
"Really Mac, this report is supposed to be on the Admiral's desk yesterday. If I don't finish it soon he'll skin me alive."  
  
"Harm, you turned in the report on the Lawson case yesterday-on time for once. You really don't have any work that needs immediate attention. Stop making excuses squid, let's go."  
  
I wince at the use of "squid" it's been so long since she called me that. It's not that I don't like it, it's just another reminder that she won't be able to call me that much longer. "Mac-" I begin.  
  
"Come on Harm, whatever's eating you, spill it."  
  
"Nothing's wrong with me." I lie, "now go have lunch with your fiancée."  
  
"Harm, stop lying to me-"  
  
"I'm not lying!" I shout, standing up so quickly I send the chair flying against the wall before it crashes to the ground. Mac gasps, and takes an involuntary step backwards. She starts to cry silently, I reach out my hand to wipe away her tears, but snatch it back as if burned by the sight of the ring on her left hand. I keep forgetting I can't do that anymore, I can't comfort her. I lost that right nine months ago on a ferry.  
  
"Harm-I wish I could help you, tell me what's wrong.is there anything I can do?"  
  
I want to scream "YES!" But it's too late for that. "Just go Sarah, there's nothing you can do for me now. It's too late." She shakes her head and walks out the door, she murmurs something that I cannot make out.  
  
I force myself to watch as she walks across the bullpen and into the waiting arms of her fiancée. He says something to her and she shakes her head violently. They walk out. It's too late now, too late to regain the other half of my soul, the other half of Me...  
  
Author: Like it? I don't normally like writing Angst, but my opinion is there is no good romance without it. Should I write a sequel? Only if I get enough reviews people! 


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